I have been thinking about the blog that I posted last week on “Blueprints”. I decided that this week I would share a personal experience from my life, expanding on how we may be the one getting in the way of our own destiny. The world has a way of making us see and think differently of ourselves; always contradicting who God says we are. If we lose sight of who we are, humanism of the world sneaks in leaving us feeling utterly stuck or even lost at times throughout our lives. As a mother myself, the thought that comes to my mind when thinking about our blueprint; this beautiful gift designed and given from the Lord is: “When is the right time to move forward and to let your children fly, to be able to walk out their destiny given by the Lord?”
Years ago, I had a revolving question in my mind that would never leave me. I wondered why I could not see God moving in my life. God is always at work in our lives, but it may be that we are the obstacles, holding onto the baggage of the world. We may think that because we have certain “labels”, that we were only meant for who we are or what we become. I spent so much time focusing on my children that I could not see God at work in my own life. God was giving and showing me many opportunities to grab on to, so that I could begin to answer my calling, but I could not see past myself.
It wasn’t until I found myself in a hotel room across the world, that I began to truly understand that I could still be a mother to my wonderful children, while also fulfilling my personal destiny. Up until this experience, I was trying to control every area in my own life. As much as I wanted to believe that God was in control of my life, my actions proved this theory completely wrong. At the time of my awakening, I was doing an assignment for God. I like to call it “business”. I was in Moscow, at the end of my mission and while preparing to go home my awakening happened. I broke. I felt in my spirit that the Father was telling me to give him my children. The burden that He placed on my heart over the years could not begin to take root until I chose to totally surrender to the Lord. This meant that I needed to give up the control in my life to keep everything running right in the eyes of the world. I was scared but and at the end of my rope. I had nothing left to give and was completely exhausted. I needed go back to the basics. I needed a boost of faith. While being so focused on what I thought a mother was supposed to be, I lost what God had deigned me to be. I was trying to manage family life and what God had in store for me, rather than petitioning all I had each day for God, in total surrender. I was grafting into the world instead of into God and it was unsustainable.
At this time, my children were just into adulthood making a way for themselves, and I guess you can say that I was at a standstill. I did not really understand what walking out your “Blueprint” in life meant. I did not realize that I had to die to my self by letting go to become what God had for me. This blog is not about giving up being a mother but in fact about much greater. It’s about being a mother an example for her children to follow and how I learned to surrender an area of my life to move forward. Realizing that I am not the protector of my children, only God can instill all that He is and has for them. To do this, I had to let go and move forward into my destiny.
That day in the hotel room with tears rolling down my eyes, I surrendered my children and my life to the Father. God showed me a clear picture. I placed my children into the palms of His hands and I watched Him close them. I knew then that it was never me who was holding it all together, but it was Him. I immediately felt a relief and a release. The Holy Spirit gave me an instant feeling that I would be living my calling and new doors were waiting and open for me. I learned that mothering is a part of me and always will be, yet God has placed many facets in me that are for me to discover and experience. When I said “yes” to Jesus, my entire life changed. It was not until I began living my faith and releasing baggage of the ways of the world, was I able to fulfill my blueprint from the Father. This assignment was one of many that I have to look forward to. As I let go, His love for me fills me to overflow to complete the next project. I hope my story gives you hope in your life to know that wherever you are, God has a unique plan for you, and when you surrender to Him your journey will begin! God Bless